← Back to portfolio

10 Ways To Deal With Your Own Extramarital Affair

Published on 27th July 2017

This can happen to anyone. Me, you, your spouse or even to your parents. Let us not dig into the deeper relationships whom you caught red-handed while they were cheating on their life partners and kids, so let it be specifically about you and me. It is quite reasonable, yet hopefully rare, that you find yourself attracted to somebody else, despite you being married for several years. Perhaps, you found him or her in your neighborhood, or in the office or your kid’s birthday party or any random place… well, do we really care about the place?

It all starts with eyes meeting, then an infectious fling leading to a long conversation. This transforms into a test flirt, and if positively reciprocated, this strangest of all relationships take a rewarding turn. Then comes the smiles, winking, nervousness, a touch of the hand and mind full of that person’s thoughts and pretty soon you are thinking about navigating some pretty serious shams. Perhaps you never thought it would go so far, or you might have planned to stop it before it reached this stage but it could never happen because of just one reason, you loved that feeling, again. Believe me, it is all biological.

I believe, some feelings are extremely light, say just like the common cold. It comes, and it goes, with or without any treatment (an external force is what I meant here). However, some feelings happen to be serious, just like a fatal disease. Not that I am referring extra-marital affair as some kind of a disease, but they take hold of all your consciousness, responsibilities at home, fidelity and your relationship with your wedded partner. And pursuing such feelings can make you hide, manipulate and lie about things to your spouse. Ironically, when you are bringing happiness to someone else’s life, you are blackening your own future with your actual partner. And the moment you realize you were wrong, what all you did will become the very things you got to despise later and distrust in other.

On the contrary, many feel that having an extramarital affair provides every happiness that is lacking in their own marriage, either mental stimulation or sex. A wife or a husband may be the real partner, but their illegal counterparts, boyfriends, and girlfriends, can become an ideal partner, a true companion, and lover. And the saying, ‘one cannot marry everyone they love’ seems to fit here entirely.

I leave it to you to decide what actually your relationship is irrational or rational, but here I suggest some of the tips helping you stay calm and think about what you want to do further with your relationships.

  1. First thing first. Come to terms with the fact that you are in love, despite being married and how is it going to help you and the other two people in your life? Is it really love or just an infatuation?
  2. Open up with your friend to discuss your catch 22 situation when you love your spouse and share the same feeling with your new love interest. (I am one of those who believes a person can be in love with more than one person at a time. I have seen many people doing this.)
  3. Figure out whether you were married for the wrong reasons. Pressures from family to get married to an unwanted partner generally end up with having an extra marital affair. If yes, then talk to your spouse, whether he or she goes through the same concerns and work out a way.
  4. Physical dissatisfaction is one of the most compelling reasons for the people who get involved in an extramarital affair. Find a counselor, a pastor, a friend or help to discuss this issue before you land up on the bed with your new love interest.
  5. Spend more time with your spouse, deliberately, in case you have become emotionally disconnected with him or her. You are attached to a person only through an emotional bond, which ever bond you might feel the strongest, that relationship will survive.
  6. Stop deceiving yourself. Talk to your inner self. Find out what you actually want. When we fall in the middle of the deception, we tell lot many lies to ourselves and the others and one day we are not able to get back to the truth. Don’t let such a thing happen to you. Be honest with yourself first and stick to your responsibilities. Find out the way to your long lasting happiness.
  7. If you think you are contributing to the problem of chaos and unhappiness, then take a respectable retreat.
  8. Measure the happiness you get from such a relationship. Then, think about the sadness your partner gets from your extra marital affair if you are going to blast this news to your spouse. Weigh out both the emotions and then decide. Make sure you should never take such a decision impulsively.
  9. Humans were not made to be monogamous, naturally. Whatever we are today is the result of our societal factors. So if you think it is okay for you and your spouse and your new lover or beloved then carry on. Who am I to cut your fun?
  10. If you are in your extramarital relationship purely for sex, then a relationship like this is not worth putting your marriage at risk. Instead of going for extramarital, seek out friends with benefits to satiate your bodily hunger.

Though I am not mentioning it in my list of tips, I will recommend you to take your partner for blood pressure checkups, ECG and MRI. In case you decide to break the news of your new indulgence, you find the correct time to do so as your spouse must have the courage to accept it the right way.